Over a year ago I told my ex girl friend I was ready to give up and put the DNR (do not resuscitate) sign on our relationship and just let my feelings fizzle out and dwindle into the void. Well here I am and even though my brain says “let it go” my heart keeps trying to stick in there like a cancer patient. Its the kind of cancer that hurts you from the inside out and even though it could be just a small thing in your heart it hurts like no other kind of hurt I have felt. A year ago I decided to pull the plug and let it die, but no. This metaphorical corroding cancer patient of a heart keeps fighting even though the pain is more then it would want to endure. All the heart would need to do to be lifted of this pain is give in. Give in and let go, throw all the old feelings of love, happiness and good times into a mass grave and never turn back. But no, that would be to easy. And why would such a emotional being like the heart go the easy rout of detachment if it could feel all the old feelings it once was surrounded in, even if the memories of feeling good now make it heavy with depression.
But the thing about remembering is that you don’t forget…
I wish I could purge my memories of being in a relationship. I wish I could forget all of those great new feelings that you feel when you really fall for some one. I don’t want to remember how happy I was because it makes me sad now to know that I don’t have what I used to. And the worst part is that the girl who ripped my soul to shreds and may as well of chopped out the part in my brain that is for happiness is a friend I talk to every now and then. Like she fucked up big time and dumped me cause she cheated but I could never hate her for it, I loved her to much. Once you feel that way about some one its so hard to not feel that way about them on some level. We can still talk and joke around but last time I saw her with out thinking I was just centimeters away from kissing her. It just felt so natural, playing around on the swings and laughing till my sides ached and her being just right there I almost forgot but stopped as our noses touched. I know I can’t ever go back with her even if she wanted it, what would that say about me? That I am really willing to over look that kind of betrayal? I was never mad at her but it still wouldn’t seem right to go back to a place with some one who could do such a thing to some one who trusted her from the souls of his shoes to the top of his head. I would believe everything she said even when it was so obvious she was hiding stuff. She could put a blanket over a elephant and if I asked what was under the blanket and she said “oh its nothing” I would believe her with out another word. I’ve heard people say “you always hurt the ones you love” but I don’t believe that. I would never hurt any one on purpose that I loved so dearly, the saying should go “if you’re to nice the ones you love will hurt you”. I remember so many good days with her, awkward times to but they were never bad times. These days I am just craving some one I can hold tight and will bite my ear or kiss me, hell, I even get a little nostalgic when I hug my friends. But at the the same time I feel like a victim, some one wronged, violated in a way that even though others are not responsible I may feel I will be wronged by them too simply because some one so close to me I would never suspect of doing anything so bad hurt me a way only they could. So now I am trapped in my current days wishing for what I had in the past but knowing I won’t let my self fall into such a unwary state where any one could hurt me so badly and so easily. If only I could forget, but that’s the thing about remembering… you don’t forget.
DONTWANNASTOP: banksy
the hype around banksy is ridiculous, people make him out to be some kind of hero and put him on a pedestal way above real graffiti and other styled street art. 1. his work is simple and basic in production and content. 2. there are street artists such as blek le rat who have been doing the stuff that banksy does a long time before him and he is much less recognised. 3. he is made out to be some kind of hero and his work is protected and seen as a public attraction while the rest of us doing our own style of art on the street are portrayed as vandals, and are criminalised and our art, tags, pieces are removed ASAP. 4 when someone does a stencil it is not a “banksy styled piece” he is not the first or the only person to do stencils, he is the most famous but that doesnt make everyone else a biter. people could describe banksys work as blek le rat styled work. just because you can understand the banksy work doesnt meen that it should be higher ranked then the rest of graffiti, instead of only liking what is easy to relate to and understand and thinking you are so cultured because you scratched the surface of street art, maybe you could try use your mind and delve deeper into the sub culture and art of graffiti and then discuss the hole art form. not just banksy.
Another rant I am willing to reblog because he put into words what we were all thinking
I don’t mind banksy being famous and all that but I don’t like how everything graffiti related is like compared to some idealized version of banksy by people who don’t know anything about graff
I Want New Music!
I would really appreciate if people messaged me bands with their favorite songs
